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| 31 Jul 2013 05:19 PM |
Prologue Part 1: A Rude Awakening
Darkness... all around me...
It's calming... I know that death is going to soon consume me in this deep blackness, but... It feels like a blanket over my skin. Warm. Comforting. Homely...? Mayb-
"Samuel! Samuel Onyx! Get up this instant!"
I'm roused from my comforting sleep by the furious shouting from my devilish maths teacher. I wince. Her heart is darker than my daydreams. I groggily push myself to a sitting position, which only leaves me to wish I hadn't as I see the teacher staring at me from directly in front of my desk. "So, Samuel. Do you find the concept of the practical applications of long mathematics tiring?"
I resist the urge to simply state "yes". "No, Miss. I find it very enjo.yable." I murmur between yawns, ignoring the snig.gers from the rest of the class. "Good. Then, after you have named me one, you can perform three of them in front of the class, within your head."
Groaning, I stagger up from my chair, and walk in a similarly unstable manner down the pathways of the classroom, through the criss-crossing tables and chairs. I walk up to the whiteboard, and mutter to the class "shopping." Half laugh, a quarter grins at me with h.ate and the other quarter look at me disapprovingly. The ones who actually know me.
I then turn around. I ignore the burning stare of my teacher, and look at the questions on the board. I roll my eyes, and walk over towards the last questions - the "impossible extension" as she puts it. Worded as in if it was real life, using time instead of simple numbers. "Impossible my..." I hold my sentence, hearing the teacher walking up to me, and quickly shut my eyes, before writing out one of the answers. The teacher cuts short in her ram.page towards me, her glare turning into curiosity. I stop for a second, but then before I start to push my luck write out the other two, and step away from the whiteboard. The teacher walks up to the board, and cross-references the answers. "They're... they're right" she murmurs in shock. The class freezes, staring at me.
She turns around to me, with the same stare.
Great. Another mess I've gotten myself in to. |
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HASARAS
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| Joined: 26 Feb 2010 |
| Total Posts: 2330 |
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| 31 Jul 2013 05:21 PM |
Welp, this is my first story on the forums. Guess you could call me a "newbie" in this kind of activity. Hopefully I did decent - but ANY and ALL feedback would be appreciated - and, when I say "feedback" I don't mean "It's terrible" - but what went well, and what I could do better.
Thanks! |
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| 31 Jul 2013 05:21 PM |
@Hara: No, it's not.
If you've checked, this is the place for "fictional stories". |
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HASARAS
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| Joined: 26 Feb 2010 |
| Total Posts: 2330 |
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| 31 Jul 2013 05:22 PM |
| Well, it's pretty good, especially for your first time. But for future reference, this kind of stuff goes in TV/Movies/Books. |
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| 31 Jul 2013 05:23 PM |
"This forum is for >>>posting fictional stories involving your characters<<<, and for role-playing out a scenario with other players. You can post pretty much any story or role-play imaginable, as long as it doesn’t go against the rules of ROBLOX."
So, unless this is true (which, while it would be cool, is unfortunately not), or I was discussing about the book - which I'm currently not - it is to be placed in the roleplaying forum.
However, I've never even heard of that forum. Alt-tab, activate!
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| 31 Jul 2013 05:25 PM |
Guys Seriously There have been other stories like this(it's good btw) Stop hiding under your little rock |
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HASARAS
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| Joined: 26 Feb 2010 |
| Total Posts: 2330 |
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| 31 Jul 2013 05:27 PM |
| Huh. Guess fanfictions CAN go here. In that case, carry on. |
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| 31 Jul 2013 05:44 PM |
Prologue Part 2 - Munch...
The bell rings, and I quickly make my escape, "walking" to my desk in long strides, grabbing my bag, and ignoring the bemused stairs from my classmates and teacher I rush out the door, taking a moment to glance at the clock. Lunchtime. Well, that was GREAT timing. Just great...
I push the doors open, and in my hurry nearly trip over, grabbing the door handle to pull myself back up. I stop to gather my movements and thoughts, before heading to the canteen in my normal, relaxed and uncaring posture. I reach around to my back, and pull my lunchbox out of the side pocket, opening the door with my other hand. Being ambidextrous has its perks. My nose is filled with the tempting smells of food filling the dining hall, like it's ready to burst, and manage to crack a small grin. I look around, and spot the usual table me and my friends hang out around. I take a few small notes about the particularly strong killing intent from some of the bullies around me, but it doesn't stop me from reaching the metallic bench. I settle down, and bring out a simple cheese and ham sandwich.
There's a burst of chattering, laughing and mumbling as my class heads into the hall. I spot Kolt and Taima walk into the room, and they notice me too, waving at me with grins. I look back down to my food in a mixture of uncaring, waiting and embarrassment. They both walk up to the table, Kolt sliding onto the bench, next to me, and Taima directly across. "That... that was AWESOME, dude!" Kolt declares, spinning his fork up and down in the air. I roll my eyes. "Kolt, you're exaggerating again." I murmur, before he quickly replies "No, seriously. You managed to make devil Diana be quiet!" I can't help but give a small smirk at that. Devil Diana. Fitting. Taima seems to agree with Kolt, but I don't hear what she's saying, concentrating on the group of whispering bullies on a nearby table, occasionally glancing over to me. I focus on not turning around to make myself known to them. "...and when you just LEFT, that was-" "AWESOME!" Kolt finishes. I give a small nod to them, but my eyes have already betrayed my worry. "Yo, bro. What's wrong?" Kolt questions, with Taima looking at me, and then at the other table with a knowing glance. "Hey, um, Kolt, Sam. How about we go to our form ro-"
"Hey now, there's no need for that..."
A rather large fists hits the table, knocking Kolt's food off as it slams down. "We just wanted to come for a little talk, Sammy boy..." |
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| 31 Jul 2013 05:45 PM |
| Right, I might be able to churn out one more chapter before I retire to bed. So, what're your thoughts on the new one? |
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| 31 Jul 2013 05:49 PM |
| I like it so far. It's pretty interesting |
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| 31 Jul 2013 05:50 PM |
| Heh. This is just the prologue. If it's interesting so far, then I must be doing SOMETHING right. |
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| 31 Jul 2013 05:53 PM |
| I guess you are, lol. It's a decent cliffhanger. I do hope this gets a bit more recognition. |
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| 31 Jul 2013 06:02 PM |
Prologue Part 3 - ...and Crunch...
I shiver as I feel the breath on the back of my neck. "Hey, how's this. You and you're little buddies here come with me and my associates, and we don't make a scene..." he maliciously whispers in my ear. Kolt stares at the lunch on his lap, splattered on his uniform, and turns to the student.
I swear.
Kolt smashes his fist into the guy's face. He staggers backwards, letting out a yelp of surprise as the other boys jump up from where they're sitting and charge forwards. I reach into my lunchbox, and find what I'm looking for. A nice, warm, tempting cup of coffee.
I hate coffee, and so will they. When it's all over their faces. I unscrew the top, before throwing the contents of the steel container all over the enemies' faces. Funny how my view of them went from "students" to "enemies" in that short of a time. Guess it's just how the world works. I drop the mug, and barely roll away in time to avoid a sluggish punch from the screaming leader. The rest of the thugs barge their way in, shouting in pain. Kolt is kicked to the ground, and I'm pushed against the wall, held up in the air by my neck. I don't see Kolt anymore as he disappears under a barrage of fists, while my own captor grins. "I'm... I'm going to make sure... that this hurts you..."
Taima screams, and all of a sudden, the lights seem to be brighter, and brighter, before breaking rather anti-climatically one by one. Not that I can pay much attention to that right now, being punched in the face. Pain pulses through me, and I yell in agony as he brings his knee up to my stomach, before smashing me on the ground next to a similarly bleeding Kolt. "Hey, bro... I think we bit off more than we can chew..." I'm about to reply it was HIS fault, but then the lights go out completely.
My vision goes black. |
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| 31 Jul 2013 06:04 PM |
| MY ROCK IS COZY, DON'T MAKE FUN OF IT. It has a nice big abadoned anthill to rest my hill. |
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| 31 Jul 2013 06:05 PM |
| I'm definetly gonna reccomend this to a few people |
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| 31 Jul 2013 06:06 PM |
| ... I'll make sure the ants move back in |
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| 31 Jul 2013 06:10 PM |
| SHOTGUN TO THE FACEEEEEEEEEE |
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| 31 Jul 2013 06:11 PM |
| I'll post later, if I can. |
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| 31 Jul 2013 06:43 PM |
Prologue Part 3 - ...and... wait, what the-
Then, the blinding darkness disappears.
I'm rather confused, finding myself holding a bloodied metal container in a rather threatening manner towards a screaming leader of the thugs, desperately shouting at me to stop, and something about my eyes. Blood's stained all over my clothes, and my face has somehow been pulled into a clown-like grin. Several near-dead bodies litter the ground behind me, half the hall has been abandoned, the other half staring at me like I'm a demon.
Well, there's a few possibilities that could of happened, better not jump to conclusions - I mean, I could simply be in the middle of an armed massacre, or maybe I went shopping-
Ah, who am I kidding. I'm in deep. Too deep.
Kolt walks up to me, dazed. He staggers, falling on my shoulder. "Holy ****, dude. What... happened to you? One second you were all... dead... and then... what the..."
Devil Diana is the first to come back to her senses. She walks up to me. "Samuel. Kolt. Taima. With me, now." Her voice is icily cold - it makes me want to freeze up, and just fall to-
Taima slaps me in the face, and I look at her, bemused, before she grabs me by my collar and pulls me behind her, following Mrs Demon. Kolt reluctantly follows, looking around at the terrified gazes. I still don't know quite what happened, but the teacher has a knowing look. She obviously knows more than any of us. I try, and fail, to copy Kolt's way of speaking. "Yo, um, Kolt. What happened to me, bro?" He looks at me with a furious stare. "One, don't make fun of my voice. Two, you just went on a killing spree" he practically shouts, before Taima slaps him too. "O-ow!" he shouts, as Demon Diana throws us into the classroom...
Quite literally. |
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| 31 Jul 2013 06:49 PM |
| -McDonalds motto plays in the background- |
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| 31 Jul 2013 06:50 PM |
(x3
They got turned into McNuggets) |
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| 31 Jul 2013 07:16 PM |
| (I.. Love it.. :3 'Demon Diana'.. x3 Brilliant.. Good job..) |
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| 31 Jul 2013 07:53 PM |
(I like it. Same serious-with-bits-of-sarcastic-humor way of writing that the Heroes of Olympus books seem to be written in.)
"Spear shall be shaken! Shield be splintered! A sword day... A red day! ERE THE SUN RISES!" |
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