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Re: Poems

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angellena0611 is not online. angellena0611
Joined: 08 Feb 2011
Total Posts: 43
14 Jun 2013 08:54 AM
so... I made a poem and lately I've been into poetry but I'm not that great so, here it is. Comment your feedback


I want to
swallow you whole
I want to
let your tender hands
choke my soul
let you poisonous vapor
into my veins
let you cause me
so much pain
and salty rain will fall
from my eyes
and I'll listen to every last one of
your precious little lies
I want you to
destroy my
wasted little soul
I want you to
swallow me whole
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BooksMusicCamera98 is not online. BooksMusicCamera98
Joined: 08 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 2
14 Jun 2013 09:28 AM
That's very grim...I like it. Very good job. Keep it up.
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blahkabelison is not online. blahkabelison
Joined: 20 Dec 2012
Total Posts: 21
14 Jun 2013 09:30 AM
It is really good, really professional!
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SpongeyBunny is not online. SpongeyBunny
Joined: 27 Oct 2010
Total Posts: 4
14 Jun 2013 09:06 PM
It's good Angel. C:
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AwesomeRebecca123 is not online. AwesomeRebecca123
Joined: 13 Apr 2012
Total Posts: 1062
14 Jun 2013 11:21 PM
Not bad! You've got real talent, and you've definitely shown it in this grim little poem.
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angellena0611 is not online. angellena0611
Joined: 08 Feb 2011
Total Posts: 43
16 Jun 2013 08:46 AM
Thank you c: also...







bump.
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angellena0611 is not online. angellena0611
Joined: 08 Feb 2011
Total Posts: 43
20 Jun 2013 08:05 AM
cake.
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angellena0611 is not online. angellena0611
Joined: 08 Feb 2011
Total Posts: 43
25 Jun 2013 05:00 PM
title fix because I have more than one I will be posting here
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angellena0611 is not online. angellena0611
Joined: 08 Feb 2011
Total Posts: 43
25 Jun 2013 05:01 PM
she was a rose
pretty to look at
and sometimes,
they even picked at her
for her beauty.
skinny as the
stem,
pretty as the
petals.
...
pretty even while wilting.
but she wilted inside,
before she wilted outside.
she knew her last days were to
come.
...
and around her,
you have to be careful.
she may be pretty,
and small,
and sweet.
but she has protection
and if you don't watch
she'll stab you with a thorn
and watch as you bleed
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angellena0611 is not online. angellena0611
Joined: 08 Feb 2011
Total Posts: 43
25 Jun 2013 05:02 PM
some people don't understand
"why would anyone try to get away from me"
after someone's self murder
and
think
"why would they do that,
they know I would've helped them"
but the dead hadn't understood
"why would anyone want to be with me"
after crying all night, alone
and
thought
"they wouldn't understand,
I shouldn't bother them with my problems"
so the dead grabbed the pills
and downed them with one glass.
because no one ever understood
what there was to understand
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angellena0611 is not online. angellena0611
Joined: 08 Feb 2011
Total Posts: 43
25 Jun 2013 05:03 PM
and the girl in the mirror
I found out,
as I peeked through my hands,
did not look like a monster
with hair all over
and big teeth
that spread into a wide,
maniacal smile,
and big, evil,
bloodshot eyes.
instead,
it was a girl
small,
innocent,
and oh-so fragile.
she looked sweet
but within was convinced
she was a monster
who's feet could trample you,
and scream could deafen you.
because the girl in the mirror
looked nice,
she separated herself from her
she detached her body
from her soul
and couldn't believe
the girl in the mirror
is me.
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angellena0611 is not online. angellena0611
Joined: 08 Feb 2011
Total Posts: 43
25 Jun 2013 05:05 PM
the cry of misery
escaped her throat and echoed
through the empty air.
and the salty rain
fell from her eyes and dripped
onto her skin.
her ragged breathing
was hard to bare in an area
so full of oxygen.
and her drum beat heart
was faster than it needed to be
in a time so slow.
but nothing was worse then
the demons in her head
saying such nasty things
over the sound
of her struggling.
she gave into their chants
and found her blade.
cut down vertically
and deep
the demons made.
pleased sounds, so
she smiled against the pain
because they had finally
quieted down
and the beautiful silence
put her in a deep sleep.
and the last thing she saw,
before she slept forever,
was the thick, red water
running down her arms.









.. I could use to write some 'happy poems', couldn't I?
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angellena0611 is not online. angellena0611
Joined: 08 Feb 2011
Total Posts: 43
26 Jun 2013 10:24 AM
and sometime, while she was
growing up,
she started to believe
the monsters that once lived
under her bed
or inside her closet
crawled into her body
deep at night
and took over
her body
and soul.
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angellena0611 is not online. angellena0611
Joined: 08 Feb 2011
Total Posts: 43
27 Jun 2013 01:17 PM
sometime,
the monsters must have
crawled from the dark corners
of my room,
at the dead of the night.
they must've used
their long, black talons
and cut a deep line
to my soul.
and shoved my soul out,
saying it was a freak
that didn't belong.
they must've crawled in,
and made a house,
where my soul once was.
and stitched it back up,
nice and tight,
and took over.
they must've left
only a shred of my soul
remaining.
the lucky, but unlucky.
it still has it's home,
somewhat.
but has to deal
with the intruders
who shreds it
to pieces.





(meh...)
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angellena0611 is not online. angellena0611
Joined: 08 Feb 2011
Total Posts: 43
27 Jun 2013 08:00 PM
I want to rip off
this shell of skin
and pull my tattered
soul out from within
and shove it to the ground
and smash it
and bash it
and stomp
and scream
and leave it shattered
on the floor
forgotten and
unforgiven.
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RedGrind is not online. RedGrind
Joined: 11 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 1045
27 Jun 2013 11:51 PM
You want to swallow me whole? Salty rain falls?

wat
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angellena0611 is not online. angellena0611
Joined: 08 Feb 2011
Total Posts: 43
28 Jun 2013 12:37 PM
Red,
it's "I want you to swallow me whole." which in the beginning, she wants to swallow him, which is pretty much destroy him because he loves her. but going to the end she wants him to destroy her because she love him.
and
"and salty rain will fall
from my eyes."
that pretty much means she'll be crying, because even though she loves him. she thinks its better for him if one of them goes, basically.
"salty rain" means tears.
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angellena0611 is not online. angellena0611
Joined: 08 Feb 2011
Total Posts: 43
28 Jun 2013 12:38 PM
I want to rip off
this shell of skin
and pull my tattered
soul out from within
and shove it to the ground
and smash it,
and bash it,
and stomp,
and scream,
and leave it shattered.
forgotten and
battered.
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newpotsbro is not online. newpotsbro
Joined: 05 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 1301
28 Jun 2013 12:41 PM
Very nice, well done.
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angellena0611 is not online. angellena0611
Joined: 08 Feb 2011
Total Posts: 43
29 Jun 2013 11:00 AM
no more. :/
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UnknownDestrayon is not online. UnknownDestrayon
Joined: 02 Sep 2012
Total Posts: 234
29 Jun 2013 11:01 AM
Good Job 5/10
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retvet98765431 is not online. retvet98765431
Joined: 26 Mar 2010
Total Posts: 1391
29 Jun 2013 12:03 PM
9/10.
Love the Aggregation in it.
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