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| 14 Jun 2013 08:54 AM |
so... I made a poem and lately I've been into poetry but I'm not that great so, here it is. Comment your feedback
I want to swallow you whole I want to let your tender hands choke my soul let you poisonous vapor into my veins let you cause me so much pain and salty rain will fall from my eyes and I'll listen to every last one of your precious little lies I want you to destroy my wasted little soul I want you to swallow me whole
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| 14 Jun 2013 09:28 AM |
| That's very grim...I like it. Very good job. Keep it up. |
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| 14 Jun 2013 09:30 AM |
| It is really good, really professional! |
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| 14 Jun 2013 11:21 PM |
| Not bad! You've got real talent, and you've definitely shown it in this grim little poem. |
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| 25 Jun 2013 05:00 PM |
| title fix because I have more than one I will be posting here |
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| 25 Jun 2013 05:01 PM |
she was a rose pretty to look at and sometimes, they even picked at her for her beauty. skinny as the stem, pretty as the petals. ... pretty even while wilting. but she wilted inside, before she wilted outside. she knew her last days were to come. ... and around her, you have to be careful. she may be pretty, and small, and sweet. but she has protection and if you don't watch she'll stab you with a thorn and watch as you bleed |
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| 25 Jun 2013 05:02 PM |
some people don't understand "why would anyone try to get away from me" after someone's self murder and think "why would they do that, they know I would've helped them" but the dead hadn't understood "why would anyone want to be with me" after crying all night, alone and thought "they wouldn't understand, I shouldn't bother them with my problems" so the dead grabbed the pills and downed them with one glass. because no one ever understood what there was to understand |
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| 25 Jun 2013 05:03 PM |
and the girl in the mirror I found out, as I peeked through my hands, did not look like a monster with hair all over and big teeth that spread into a wide, maniacal smile, and big, evil, bloodshot eyes. instead, it was a girl small, innocent, and oh-so fragile. she looked sweet but within was convinced she was a monster who's feet could trample you, and scream could deafen you. because the girl in the mirror looked nice, she separated herself from her she detached her body from her soul and couldn't believe the girl in the mirror is me. |
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| 25 Jun 2013 05:05 PM |
the cry of misery escaped her throat and echoed through the empty air. and the salty rain fell from her eyes and dripped onto her skin. her ragged breathing was hard to bare in an area so full of oxygen. and her drum beat heart was faster than it needed to be in a time so slow. but nothing was worse then the demons in her head saying such nasty things over the sound of her struggling. she gave into their chants and found her blade. cut down vertically and deep the demons made. pleased sounds, so she smiled against the pain because they had finally quieted down and the beautiful silence put her in a deep sleep. and the last thing she saw, before she slept forever, was the thick, red water running down her arms.
.. I could use to write some 'happy poems', couldn't I? |
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| 26 Jun 2013 10:24 AM |
and sometime, while she was growing up, she started to believe the monsters that once lived under her bed or inside her closet crawled into her body deep at night and took over her body and soul. |
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| 27 Jun 2013 01:17 PM |
sometime, the monsters must have crawled from the dark corners of my room, at the dead of the night. they must've used their long, black talons and cut a deep line to my soul. and shoved my soul out, saying it was a freak that didn't belong. they must've crawled in, and made a house, where my soul once was. and stitched it back up, nice and tight, and took over. they must've left only a shred of my soul remaining. the lucky, but unlucky. it still has it's home, somewhat. but has to deal with the intruders who shreds it to pieces.
(meh...) |
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| 27 Jun 2013 08:00 PM |
I want to rip off this shell of skin and pull my tattered soul out from within and shove it to the ground and smash it and bash it and stomp and scream and leave it shattered on the floor forgotten and unforgiven. |
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RedGrind
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| Joined: 11 Jan 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1045 |
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| 27 Jun 2013 11:51 PM |
You want to swallow me whole? Salty rain falls?
wat |
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| 28 Jun 2013 12:37 PM |
Red, it's "I want you to swallow me whole." which in the beginning, she wants to swallow him, which is pretty much destroy him because he loves her. but going to the end she wants him to destroy her because she love him. and "and salty rain will fall from my eyes." that pretty much means she'll be crying, because even though she loves him. she thinks its better for him if one of them goes, basically. "salty rain" means tears. |
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| 28 Jun 2013 12:38 PM |
I want to rip off this shell of skin and pull my tattered soul out from within and shove it to the ground and smash it, and bash it, and stomp, and scream, and leave it shattered. forgotten and battered.
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| 29 Jun 2013 12:03 PM |
9/10. Love the Aggregation in it. |
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