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Re: my story on the final battle

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mydarkrai246 is not online. mydarkrai246
Joined: 31 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 1119
19 Jun 2013 09:10 PM
Alarms blared through the air as shouts and screams from the men outside penetrated Varn's ears like knives. He tried to keep his cool while typing in the passcode, but hearing his allies and fellow APN brothers getting killed was just to much. Hands shaking, he tried again and again to type in the code, with no luck.

"Darn nerves," Varn mumbled as he attempted to type it in again. An explosion echoed from somewhere out in the battlefield. As Varn looked up he saw a huge fireball and a jeep fly off into the woods.

"Sir," a voice shouted down the hall. Varn turned and saw Alpha running towards him, a few cuts and scrapes, but otherwise looking ok. "They've just infiltrated sections 5 and 6, at this rate-"

"I know," Varn said cutting him off. He looked down as he finished typing in the code only to see the 'Error' message staring back. "Darn it!" he shouted pounding on the screen.

"Here, allow me," Alpha said quickly typing in the code. The doors to the armory quickly opened as another explosion, much closer, shook the room.

"Alpha, gather up as many Alversians as you can and tell them to retreat to the nearest armory access panel."

"Sir?" Alpha asked looking a bit confused.

"Just do it!" Varn said before turning and storming into the armory, the door closing behind him. He sighed, his hands slowly regaining control, and looked around the room. Empty shelves that normally held Snipers, Action Rifles, pistols, and a few missile launchers hung dimly lit around the perimeter. In the middle of the room, however, was a black cube that hummed with energy.

Varn walked up to it and placed his hand on the surface. Immediately blue streaks of light traveled from his hand all over the cube. A hissing sound emanated from the cube as it broke away at the lines revealing a hole in the ground blocked by a hatch.

Varn bent down and, without his hands shaking, entered in another code into a number pad. A lock unclicked and the hatch flung open. He turned towards the window overlooking what was usually the calm ocean and prayed that everyone made it to the access panels.

He hopped down into the hole and closed the hatch behind him. Without any hesitation he sat in a seat, placed his hand on another panel in front of him and simultaneously turned and pressed a large button. It felt as if time stopped for a few seconds. Nobody moved, nobody breathed.

All fighting ceased as a wave of energy radiated across the battle field. In a flash of light everyone who made it to an access panel appeared suddenly behind Varn.

"I'm only going to say this once, sit down and strap yourselves down." Varn said continuing to press buttons and throw switches. The soldiers, a bit dazed and confused, slowly made their way to a vacant seat. Some of them began to realize their own injuries and a few groans of pain made their way out of their mouths.

"Hold on!" Varn said as he flipped one last switch. The ground began to rumble as the fort outside split into two. Rays of moonlight made its way onto the soldiers' faces and they stared past Varn into the sky.

A jolt went through them as a lift rose them from the interior of the island onto ground level. Engines on either side of the craft roared to life and the massive craft burst from the lift carrying Varn and the soldiers with it.

Some of them looked back to see what remained of the fort. Some of the figures moved over the mountains towards the base as the rest shouted at the craft flying away.

-----------To Be Continued-----------

First part of an APN story I'm writing. Could turn into an actual story when I leave this site, but not sure. We'll just see what happens.

APN: Comment below or PM me if you want to be in any future chapters.

Forumers/Anyone else: Give me any thoughts/feedback you want ;D (On the story, not APN please)
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bloxy980 is not online. bloxy980
Joined: 16 Jul 2009
Total Posts: 1739
19 Jun 2013 09:17 PM
Please continue, I like these stories. Oh, and totally put me in it. I like being in stories. It makes me feel important.
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liana513 is not online. liana513
Joined: 12 Mar 2013
Total Posts: 519
19 Jun 2013 09:18 PM
I loved it!! It had figurative language in it! Very detailed!! :D
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tosimaru is not online. tosimaru
Joined: 13 Aug 2010
Total Posts: 2640
19 Jun 2013 09:26 PM
It was great. Make more and put in a tosimaru somewhere.
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liana513 is not online. liana513
Joined: 12 Mar 2013
Total Posts: 519
19 Jun 2013 09:27 PM
Put me in it too!! Put me in the story as a girl who is really clumsy and messes up everything! xD
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Helton11 is not online. Helton11
Joined: 25 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 1889
19 Jun 2013 09:30 PM
I like it. Put Vak somewhere in it xD
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liana513 is not online. liana513
Joined: 12 Mar 2013
Total Posts: 519
19 Jun 2013 09:33 PM
Vak?
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StarFire289 is not online. StarFire289
Joined: 10 Oct 2009
Total Posts: 6339
19 Jun 2013 09:36 PM
I love it!
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LordLancer is online. LordLancer
Joined: 24 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 12009
19 Jun 2013 09:37 PM
can I be a monster in the next one who eats varn's leg?
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LordLancer is online. LordLancer
Joined: 24 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 12009
19 Jun 2013 09:39 PM
Varn said continuing to press buttons and throw switches.

xd
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Cloudruin is not online. Cloudruin
Joined: 14 Mar 2012
Total Posts: 3752
19 Jun 2013 09:44 PM
Great story. It looks to be the beginning of an epic classic soon. Good luck in writing it.
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james486 is not online. james486
Joined: 11 Sep 2008
Total Posts: 15
19 Jun 2013 10:06 PM
can u put me in it ( a rambo sence would be nice like me runing through the shatterded metal door returning fire. the bloody man looked at varnsini and said "im scared varn i dont think i'll make it" he said, then varn looked at james he had a bloody face and his rght leg was hanging by very few threads of sinew and tissue. " not all of us will make it varn said camly, but we will not loose this war!" the words echoed in his head james then he nodded and smiled.)
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Thatguy201 is not online. Thatguy201
Joined: 11 Mar 2012
Total Posts: 60
19 Jun 2013 10:08 PM
Oh, ok, so Alpha's in it, but not Thatguy >: (
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goldcoat0008 is not online. goldcoat0008
Joined: 06 Apr 2013
Total Posts: 48
19 Jun 2013 10:18 PM
Very good story so far! I would also like to be in it and i do not care what happens to me. I could be eaten by Lancer for all i care.
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guestnot99 is not online. guestnot99
Joined: 07 Apr 2012
Total Posts: 577
19 Jun 2013 10:19 PM
the story was a bit average to me. a lot of action was going on and the story started at a bad spot, it seemed like this was the climax except there was no rising action to begin with. and because of so many things that is happening once it confused me it didn't stated who was who or what the setting was. and absolutely no subtly. it ironically makes it boring. and the chapter is way too short. but what do i know this is just the 1st chapter. ill read for more though!
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bloxy980 is not online. bloxy980
Joined: 16 Jul 2009
Total Posts: 1739
19 Jun 2013 10:36 PM
Guestnot, if you are going to correct a story, at least do it with grammar.
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guestnot99 is not online. guestnot99
Joined: 07 Apr 2012
Total Posts: 577
19 Jun 2013 10:46 PM
sorry i wanted to write it quickly.
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Lion2k is online. Lion2k
Joined: 27 Jan 2013
Total Posts: 8
19 Jun 2013 10:58 PM
it really cool

can I also be in it
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hyper376 is not online. hyper376
Joined: 16 Jan 2012
Total Posts: 375
19 Jun 2013 11:04 PM
Great story! Please continue it! Maybe you should be an author! :)
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ForgetfulAyJay is not online. ForgetfulAyJay
Joined: 14 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 9
19 Jun 2013 11:20 PM
Alpha totally pulled a Macgyver on this one. The story was awesome and I wouldn't mind being in Chapter Two. :3
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WalleValley is not online. WalleValley
Joined: 12 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 3619
19 Jun 2013 11:46 PM
lol
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ExoSaeptus is not online. ExoSaeptus
Joined: 26 May 2013
Total Posts: 1339
20 Jun 2013 12:48 AM
I like it. Keep 'em coming. (and preferably put me in too.)
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ExoSaeptus is not online. ExoSaeptus
Joined: 26 May 2013
Total Posts: 1339
20 Jun 2013 01:47 AM
Either Darky is much better than me at writing, or his awesomeness just gives his stories more attention. I got three or four replies before releasing Chapter 2. This is nearly a page and just the first chapter.
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guestnot99 is not online. guestnot99
Joined: 07 Apr 2012
Total Posts: 577
20 Jun 2013 01:59 AM
still stand for my opinion. Btw when is the next chapter?
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tosimaru is not online. tosimaru
Joined: 13 Aug 2010
Total Posts: 2640
20 Jun 2013 07:15 AM
And I stand for Bloxy's opinion. Use some grammar.

Also, throw in a tosimaru somewhere in there.
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