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Re: Red and Black: Chapter 2 (Greenery)

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nascarbrod is not online. nascarbrod
Joined: 07 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 1722
23 Jun 2013 02:26 AM
The last of the helicopters landed on Terra. Sonic stepped out with LordNobody following. “We have started a counter attack to reclaim Alianor” A FEAR soldier says as he runs up to Sonic. Sonic nods his head and the soldier runs back to a group of FEAR around a table planning the attack. Sonic walked into the small room he would be staying in for the next few nights. Sonic pulled the blankets down and slid into the sheets. The coziness of the bed made him feel relaxed through all the stress of running FEAR. Sonic quickly fell into a slumber. A small green plane could be seen not too far from Terra heading forward. “Look in the sky!” a FEAR soldier said as he pointed to the incoming plane. FEAR soldiers thinking it was another attack started to prepare themselves. They could see the plane more clearly now as it approached on the front of the plane, it was a Green symbol for The Robloxian Army. Everyone took aim on the plane as it slowly made its descent inside the fort. FEAR soldiers rushed the plane surrounding it. The small doors of the plane slowly opened with air coming out of its sides letting out pressure. A figure in a trench coat came out all guns lowered as they looked at Tonitoni leader of TRA. FEAR Vice Commander JasonIIII walked up to the crowd of FEAR soldiers some still aiming their guns at ToniToni. The FEAR soldiers made a gap in the crowd to let The Vice Commander come through. ToniToni watched him as he got closer. The only thing ToniToni said as JasonIIII got to him is “I would like to see your commander.”
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nascarbrod is not online. nascarbrod
Joined: 07 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 1722
23 Jun 2013 02:28 AM
I would like to hear feedback good and bad but I don't want it to be rude so please I don't wanna see any rude comments of such. Please tell me whats wrong with the story and whats bad no reason to start a fight.
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nascarbrod is not online. nascarbrod
Joined: 07 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 1722
23 Jun 2013 02:33 AM
--Credit to my older sister for edits--

Chapter 1: http://www.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=102345039
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EPICghostoffmw2 is not online. EPICghostoffmw2
Joined: 07 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 257
23 Jun 2013 08:23 AM
chapter 1: "pesk control"... "so you ready james?" kazerov said seeing the nerves in his weary eyes "i dont know.. its just why did they choose use for the misson" james replied in his deep voice "they must of seen our other successful missons" "i guess..." james said unsure of this "just dont impress me more then you can chew" kazerov replied with a warm smile "you know its not like that anymore" "whatever you say boss..." there was a gesture of slience when james left the room. Then kazerov reached for his radio in his pocket "this is pesk crontrol kazerov" the commander firmly said back " yes kazerov"
"well my comrade james he seems worried" kazerov replied.The commander sounded angry.
"well get it sorted because in 4 hours your gonna be on that alien planet getting there intel! and if you screw up there will be vitural problems! do you understand?"
"but sir!"
now he was outraged the commander "DO YOU HEAR ME!?"
kazerov siged "yes sir"
"good" said the commander"...

-- to be continued--


well thats if you like it you do il continue it if you dont i wont do give me your honest opinon if you dont like it give it a no support if you like it give it a support thanks for reading and remeber to give me a support or a non support ahh no more writeing wooh thanks for reading and PEACE!


well yup this is spam but im just showing you this (its not my full story!)



|_| were in it to win it |_|
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nascarbrod is not online. nascarbrod
Joined: 07 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 1722
23 Jun 2013 09:32 AM
@Above I like some pars could be fixed but I like it. :)
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EPICghostoffmw2 is not online. EPICghostoffmw2
Joined: 07 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 257
23 Jun 2013 10:10 AM
thanks yeah its need improveing here and there but thanks for the feedback!
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swiftattak7 is not online. swiftattak7
Joined: 09 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 8029
23 Jun 2013 10:24 AM
@Nascar very good, I can imagine the setting very well, I think the plot needs to head up in high gear though, because it slightly becomes less interesting.

But very good.
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nascarbrod is not online. nascarbrod
Joined: 07 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 1722
24 Jun 2013 04:11 PM
Bump

Chapter 3 coming out soon

Chapter 1: http://www.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=102345039
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