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Re: Red and Black: Chapter one (Vaktovian takeover)

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nascarbrod is not online. nascarbrod
Joined: 07 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 1722
22 Jun 2013 05:53 PM
Sonic looked out of the glass windows of the tower at Alianor. Everyone was doing there jobs and soldiers worked to keep the fort safe. Sonic was about to go back to his daily business when he heard a gunshot. He turned with ease and looked out the windows. He saw red banners in the distant as soldiers blasted their guns at surprised FEAR soldiers. FEAR General LordNobody ran into the room in a rush. “Sir Vaktovians have infiltrated the walls A helicopter is ready for your departure”. Sonic turned swiftly and silently as he walked out of the room with LordNobody following. Sonic reached the roof of the tower where he found dozens of helicopters taking off. Sonic went into the helicopter LordNobody had went into and sat down. “We will be arriving at Terra in 3 hours.” The pilot said into his microphone as he checked his control board. The helicopter lifted into the sky as Vaktovians shot their guns trying to hit the helicopters. Sonic watched as one of the helicopters was hit as it fell to the ground in a blaze of flames. The helicopter shaked as bullets hit it. Sonic gripped his arm rests as the helicopter flew past Alianor. The Helicopter has flown past Alianor safely and Sonic loosened his grip on the arm rests. The last things Sonic saw was Alianor falling.
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nascarbrod is not online. nascarbrod
Joined: 07 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 1722
22 Jun 2013 05:55 PM
I would like to hear feedback good and bad but I don't want it to be rude so please I don't wanna see any rude comments of such. Please tell me whats wrong with the story and whats bad no reason to start a fight.
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EPICghostoffmw2 is not online. EPICghostoffmw2
Joined: 07 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 257
22 Jun 2013 06:28 PM
fantastic! The only bad thing is the names are cheesey and its a bit short but apart from that its awsome! PLEASE MOAR MOAR!
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nascarbrod is not online. nascarbrod
Joined: 07 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 1722
22 Jun 2013 08:26 PM
Thanks and it short cause its just the first chapter. :P


--The next chapter will come out next weekend--
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nascarbrod is not online. nascarbrod
Joined: 07 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 1722
22 Jun 2013 08:51 PM
Story bump
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EPICghostoffmw2 is not online. EPICghostoffmw2
Joined: 07 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 257
22 Jun 2013 09:09 PM
cant wait


|_|... loading ...|_|
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nascarbrod is not online. nascarbrod
Joined: 07 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 1722
22 Jun 2013 11:16 PM
Bump the lump
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swiftattak7 is not online. swiftattak7
Joined: 09 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 8029
22 Jun 2013 11:37 PM
Wow really good, I enjoy a lot of stories based on group events, this one is very good.

Can't wait to hear more.
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nascarbrod is not online. nascarbrod
Joined: 07 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 1722
22 Jun 2013 11:40 PM
Thanks. I had just got the chapter edited by my sister and it should be out by tomorrow instead of next week.
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nascarbrod is not online. nascarbrod
Joined: 07 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 1722
22 Jun 2013 11:40 PM
The second chapter*
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swiftattak7 is not online. swiftattak7
Joined: 09 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 8029
22 Jun 2013 11:42 PM
Great!
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nascarbrod is not online. nascarbrod
Joined: 07 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 1722
23 Jun 2013 02:28 AM
Chapter 2: http://www.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=102405102
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EPICghostoffmw2 is not online. EPICghostoffmw2
Joined: 07 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 257
23 Jun 2013 07:50 AM
chapter 2 just came out now!



|_| were in it to win it |_|
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nascarbrod is not online. nascarbrod
Joined: 07 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 1722
24 Jun 2013 07:11 PM
Bump
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nascarbrod is not online. nascarbrod
Joined: 07 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 1722
25 Jun 2013 06:37 AM
Read my book Bump
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JoshWesty is not online. JoshWesty
Joined: 09 Jun 2011
Total Posts: 5301
25 Jun 2013 07:55 AM
There's no way
A fort
Can fall that fast
Even if the attackers
Were Vikings.
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swiftattak7 is not online. swiftattak7
Joined: 09 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 8029
25 Jun 2013 08:43 AM
What if they were aliens?
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nascarbrod is not online. nascarbrod
Joined: 07 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 1722
26 Jun 2013 03:21 PM
The Vaktovians had outnumbered the forces at Alainor and with more weapons they took out the fort in a matter of minutes.
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nascarbrod is not online. nascarbrod
Joined: 07 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 1722
17 Nov 2013 12:07 PM
Long time since a bump I just want to hear feed back
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