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Re: The Crash: Abandoned Island [STORY]

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UltimateWarrior789 is not online. UltimateWarrior789
Joined: 25 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 4197
11 Jun 2013 02:23 AM
~{Chapter 1 - The Crash}~

As I was silently reading one of my favorite books that I had brought on the plane, I heard the pilot of the plane speaking into the intercom. "Passengers, please remain seated and buckled tightly onto your seat as we'll be landing soon at your planned destination," the pilot annouced.

I checked my seatbelt and saw that it was buckled tightly, as said in the intercom. I smiled. Suddenly, the alarm went off and then the plane suddenly crashed in the middle of nowhere. I struggled to push and escape my way out of the fallen pieces of the plane.

As I was near the front of the plane, I saw the pilot. He was laying there on the floor, lifeless. I held my breath, I almost screamed. Instead of screaming, I let out a deep breath and then a gasp. I wasn't sure about the fact that the pilot was dead...

A few minutes later of struggling through the debris, I made it out. I let out a deep breath and let in the fresh air. I let it out after. I examined my surroundings. I gasped, shocked by the discovery. I was on an island, well, it probably can be abandoned as well...

CHAPTER 2, COMING SOON! (NOTE: Some paragraphs may be long and some paragraphs may be short. Just enjoy them.)
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UltimateWarrior789 is not online. UltimateWarrior789
Joined: 25 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 4197
11 Jun 2013 02:40 AM
Also, please give me feedback on the story! I would very appreciate kind feedback. Also, tell me if I need to improve in a certain subject.

Thanks,

UltimateWarrior789
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danielminer2 is not online. danielminer2
Joined: 23 Feb 2013
Total Posts: 624
11 Jun 2013 03:46 AM
love it
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UltimateWarrior789 is not online. UltimateWarrior789
Joined: 25 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 4197
11 Jun 2013 04:21 PM
~{Chapter 2 - Exploration}~

I decided to explore the island, just for any useful materials that could get me home. Perhaps a vehicle/transportation as well. I walked into the massive forest. Tree, plants, animals were sighted everywhere. I let out a deep breath, and then continued walking.

(Short one, I know.)
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danielminer2 is not online. danielminer2
Joined: 23 Feb 2013
Total Posts: 624
11 Jun 2013 05:48 PM
now wat
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UltimateWarrior789 is not online. UltimateWarrior789
Joined: 25 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 4197
11 Jun 2013 09:42 PM
Brainstorming ideas for Chapter 3...
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UltimateWarrior789 is not online. UltimateWarrior789
Joined: 25 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 4197
11 Jun 2013 09:48 PM
~{Chapter 3 - The Mysterious Man}~

I was starting to get the creeps of this place... and what's more, is that I kept seeing shadows of a man... I trembled and shivered with fear and I walked through the huge forest. The man, or the shadow of the man, I shall say, is always there... watching me.

Everytime I turn around, the shadow is there. Once, I had seen him force a smile. The smile was not a friendly smile, possibly an 'evil smile', I shall call it. My mind was whirling like a cyclone. I kept thinking about the man, none else. It was completely scary.
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UltimateWarrior789 is not online. UltimateWarrior789
Joined: 25 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 4197
11 Jun 2013 10:11 PM
Bump :3
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danielminer2 is not online. danielminer2
Joined: 23 Feb 2013
Total Posts: 624
11 Jun 2013 10:17 PM
scary
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superboy5519 is not online. superboy5519
Joined: 10 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 7209
11 Jun 2013 10:35 PM
On your first chapter you could of drawn the crash out a bit. Planes usually go up to 45k feet in the air, and crashing like that would take a while. I just felt like it happened to sudden.
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UltimateWarrior789 is not online. UltimateWarrior789
Joined: 25 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 4197
12 Jun 2013 12:32 AM
The plane was near the ground when it suddenly crashed.
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danielminer2 is not online. danielminer2
Joined: 23 Feb 2013
Total Posts: 624
12 Jun 2013 12:41 AM
wat he said
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UltimateWarrior789 is not online. UltimateWarrior789
Joined: 25 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 4197
12 Jun 2013 12:41 AM
~{Chapter 4 - The Mystery Reveals}~

A few minutes later after all that walking, I rested on a cool rock. I was starting to relax when I saw the shadow again. I let out a gasp. The man suddenly came out of the shadows.

"Greetings," he greeted. He was wearing a fine black tuxedo. Well, that color camoflauges in the shadows. "Uh... greetings?" I said, a bit frightened. "Do not be scared, I will not harm you," he said. I felt a little bit relieved as he spoke.

The man cleared his throat, and then continuing speaking. "I am Feron, the guardian of this island," he said. "Uh, nice to meet you, uh, Feron," I stammered, shocked. The name somehow seemed familiar...

~Want to know what happened next? Stay tuned for Chapter 5!~
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danielminer2 is not online. danielminer2
Joined: 23 Feb 2013
Total Posts: 624
12 Jun 2013 12:49 AM
what happens next
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UltimateWarrior789 is not online. UltimateWarrior789
Joined: 25 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 4197
12 Jun 2013 12:51 AM
~{Chapter 5 - The Flashback}~

A flashback suddenly consumed me... In the flashback, me and my two friends, Nate and Jason, were talking to each other at the Central Park. I suddenly saw a shadow of a man behind us. As soon as the flashback ended, I gasped.

"You... you were the one that was at the Central Park stalking us yesterday!" I exclaimed. "Yes," he replied, smiling. Not a friendly smile. Well, remember a few minutes ago when he cast another smile while still in shadow form. That was exactly the same.

"What... what do you want?" I asked, backing away. He smiled once again. "I am the last person to be appointed as the guardian of this island. Once I perish, none other will be appointed. It was only at the beginning of my career when the former guardian told me that there was a ancient secret sealed in this island," he said.

"You want me to figure out the secret?" I gasped. He nodded. "I have heard that hints will be provided," he added. "But..," I stammered. "No whines. Continue on," he commanded sternly. I sighed, and then went on my way.

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danielminer2 is not online. danielminer2
Joined: 23 Feb 2013
Total Posts: 624
12 Jun 2013 12:00 PM
ooo scary
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UltimateWarrior789 is not online. UltimateWarrior789
Joined: 25 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 4197
12 Jun 2013 02:39 PM
~{Chapter 6 - The First Clue}~

I was looking at a map that Feron had given me earlier when I saw a note on the ground. I picked it up. Feron's words spun in my head. "The notes you'll see along the way... is the clues to the ancient secret," he had said.

I read the note. "In the first ravine, a tall lemur tree stands, but will you find the clue that lays upon it?" it read. "Lemur tree!? There is no such thing as that!" I exclaimed. Still, I decided to search for the ravine. I continued on my way.
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danielminer2 is not online. danielminer2
Joined: 23 Feb 2013
Total Posts: 624
12 Jun 2013 08:59 PM
keep going its an awesome story
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UltimateWarrior789 is not online. UltimateWarrior789
Joined: 25 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 4197
12 Jun 2013 09:25 PM
~{Chapter 7 - The Second Clue}~

After one hour of endless exploring, I had finally found the ravine. I looked down from the top of the ravine, and received the creeps. I would die if I fell from here. Suddenly, I eyed some ladders heading down into the ravine.

I smiled. That was good luck. I climbed the ladders all the way down to the bottom of the ravine and found a tall tree. It was filled with lemur. Suddenly, I remembered what the note had said. "Lemur tree and a tree filled with lemurs... I got it!" I suddenly exclaimed.

I ran over to the tree and climbed all the way to the top, receiving a few cuts and bruises. At the top, I found another note. I read it carefully. "On the sandy beach, a crater lays beyond. Near the first redwood tree, the crater lays beyond. Cut it, chop it, destroy the tree! O' Almighty Redwood Tree, today is your last day. Tool will be provided, right next to the redwood tree. Good luck on this quest, and may you find the note!" it read.

Quickly, I ran back in the direction where I came from. The plane crashed onto the sandy beach. And after I have escape the debris, I also noticed a redwood tree with a axe laying next to it. By that time, I thought there was a lumberjacker on this island.
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danielminer2 is not online. danielminer2
Joined: 23 Feb 2013
Total Posts: 624
13 Jun 2013 06:47 AM
keep telling the story
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UltimateWarrior789 is not online. UltimateWarrior789
Joined: 25 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 4197
13 Jun 2013 05:22 PM
~{Chapter 8 - The Third Clue}~

I have arrived back at the sandy beach and saw the redwood tree. Quickly, I grabbed the axe and started chopping the tree. It was hard work. After a few hours, I finally did it. I was sweating badly and tired. I grabbed the note and read it. "Like the undead, this clue is dug in the ground. Find a pine tree on this beach and chop it again," it read.
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