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Re: The quest to slay the epic overlord RPG

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RobloxWarrior89 is not online. RobloxWarrior89
Joined: 29 Mar 2012
Total Posts: 2388
10 Jun 2013 02:33 PM
Story:
There was a peaceful town, called Oree town. But then there was evil.
A evil sprite came from the dead!
But then there was the evil overlord.
There was a group of warriors called bloxian, slaying the sprites.
But one has been chosen.
You must become one, and slay the overlord with his legendary sword.
Game here:
http://www.roblox.com/The-quest-to-slay-the-epic-overlord-RPG-place?id=118109160
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thedestroyer115 is not online. thedestroyer115
Joined: 19 Dec 2010
Total Posts: 11546
10 Jun 2013 03:39 PM
That sounds like a very unoriginal idea.
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dribson is not online. dribson
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 13635
10 Jun 2013 03:43 PM
Going on with thedestroyer, what have sprites ever done to you?

Sprite's delicious!
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WarriorBestow is not online. WarriorBestow
Joined: 12 Aug 2011
Total Posts: 302
10 Jun 2013 05:53 PM
"There was a group of warriors called bloxian, slaying the sprites.
But one has been chosen."

Bro, u bettah add sum sense into dis story.
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RobloxWarrior89 is not online. RobloxWarrior89
Joined: 29 Mar 2012
Total Posts: 2388
10 Jun 2013 07:06 PM
@2 above it is actually spirit, but i was typing too fast so I did the typo, and @3 above, Idk how this is "Unoriginal" @Above, oops, I forgot to add read the new version; "There was a group of the warriors, called the bloxian, they were slaying the spirits, but only few has been chosen to join.", There happy now, I made that part make sense, thanks for the critisism (Sorry idk how to spell it...)
Thanks,
~RobloxWarrior89~
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Someguy700 is not online. Someguy700
Joined: 11 Oct 2011
Total Posts: 10162
10 Jun 2013 07:50 PM
This is so unoriginal im laughing.
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ninjasheep is not online. ninjasheep
Joined: 26 Apr 2008
Total Posts: 11934
10 Jun 2013 08:52 PM
Alright everyone, not too condescending now.

Let me explain the shortcomings of this story. You see, the "hero rises to defeat evil" is so cliche that you can't possibly pull it off without losing all hope of originality. Also, proper story structure dictates that there be a rising action that pushes the character (the player in this case) to the adventure.

Right now your rising action is that spirits attack a town. This doesn't give you a lot to work with or expand on. Get more indepth with the rising action, be it the antagonist has some grudge on the town, or anything (just not for world domination, too cliche).

After the rising action is what is called a plateau, which for games is usually the time where players build up the character, either skill wise or even a backstory. This is followed by another rising action, be a challenge or obstacle, and another plateau.

This can continue until the climax, the final push, the big defeat or what ever you plan, just deeper than what you have now. You need a good foundation to build on. Look into a tragedy aspect of literature, I guarantee that you'll get something.

You're also lacking a lot of the Who's, What's, Why's, etc. you can never answer enough of those questions either. The more you know about your story, the easier it is to tell.

And above all, read some classic novels. Don Quixote (if you're into that sort of stuff), Oedipus Rex (best example of a heroic tragedy), and anything Shakespeare will give you a vast knowledge of these sorts of things.
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Voidion is not online. Voidion
Joined: 01 Aug 2011
Total Posts: 2668
10 Jun 2013 10:19 PM
""hero rises to defeat evil""

I have yet to see an RPG (on Roblox) with a story the other way around. Your basic purpose is to set the world a blaze.
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AoiHitokage is not online. AoiHitokage
Joined: 16 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 1179
11 Jun 2013 01:19 AM
Oh forget you Void, I was gonna say that..

But like he said, ravage towns and cities, and destroy monuments.
And then...

BATTLE THE GOD! After this, have a script where upon his death, the sky goes red.
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RobloxWarrior89 is not online. RobloxWarrior89
Joined: 29 Mar 2012
Total Posts: 2388
11 Jun 2013 11:03 AM
@ninjasheep
OK, Well I could add more to it, in the middle of the story, "The hero fights through, tough or weak! And obtains swords as he fights the ultimate monster; the epic overlord!"
Maybe I'll repost this a different version, since most people don't think this is original, and I'll make it more original, and remove the typos.
I am reposting soon, but not the same thing, a different version.
~RobloxWarrior89~
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Someguy700 is not online. Someguy700
Joined: 11 Oct 2011
Total Posts: 10162
11 Jun 2013 12:25 PM
"the epic overlord" is such a bad name for this big bad guy.
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ninjasheep is not online. ninjasheep
Joined: 26 Apr 2008
Total Posts: 11934
11 Jun 2013 02:45 PM
Alright, but really work on an indepth storyline. It really is your foundation for your game. And please do not use "epic" as a describing word. An Epic is a story type.

And when you're finished, do *not* put the story in the game's description.
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